This is the symbol for the National Eating Disorder Association. Today is the anniversary of my release from my three month stay in Eating Disorder Treatment. Some people might think it is dumb that I celebrate this date every year, but it is a HUGE accomplishment for me and will be for the rest of my life. Treatment saved my life and has saved so many other young girls, woman and men in this world. I am so grateful there are programs out there that help us regain our freedom back.
I love the saying "ED takes, Recovery gives" This statement is so true. The holidays are especially difficult for me, but I try to remember each day, the things that make me whole as a person...my life without ED.
The past three years I have learned to laugh and love again. Having ED in my life, I didn't laugh at hardly anything because I felt so numb inside. For 12 years, I forgot what it was like to actually laugh at something (not faking) or actually love somebody or something. ED kept that from me. Now that I am in recovery, I don't have to fake anything. I can be me.....me without the eating disorder constantly gnawing at my ear. I can laugh, laugh so hard that my guts hurt. Just tonight I was with some friends from High School, Tara, Jeri, and Brandi. I laughed so hard that I literally almost wet my pants. I don't remember the last time I really laughed that hard. I was able to enjoy being at dinner with them without worrying about what I was putting in my mouth.
I'm not going to say that I have been completely ED thought free, because there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my body image, the way I look, or have a temptation to restrict, or exercise. But I have learned to cope with those thoughts and feelings on a day to day basis. Some days it is extremely difficult to fight especially when it feels like your world is falling apart around you. It's like holding a cigarette in someone's face that has quit, but I make it moment by moment sometimes.
I have the most understanding husband in the whole entire world. He passes no judgment or anger, just love and concern. It has taking me quit awhile to learn to open up to him and I still struggle sometimes, but he tries to be so understanding and he just listens to me vent. He is so patient and asks what he can do to help me get through that moment. I have been soooooo extremely blessed to have him in my life. I know Heavenly Father gave him to me for a reason. He teaches me so much...how to love myself. I want to thank him from the bottom of my heart. I love you!
I also want to thank his family for their love and support. It was because of them that was able to go to a treatment center and get help. Thank you for helping save my life. I love you!
My parents are absolutely amazing. They have put up with me through most of my struggle with ED. It is a difficult thing to be a parent and watch your child slowly kill themselves. I can't imagine what they felt like. Thank you for your love and support. I made it this far with your help. I love you!
My kids, Aiden and Brynlee have been such a motivation to me to stay well and ED free. I want to see them grow up and be happy. They are my life.
